Grumpy

So I kinda weighed in last week ... I forgot completely on both Wed and Thur so I weighed in on Friday but it was after I'd got dressed for work and I didn't have time to change.

So that weight came in at 95.7kgs (which you may remember is the same as last week).

I spent the whole weekend and the start of this week seriously down about it. There were other stressors in my life as well, but still.

I was catered for and had little choice about my food choices on both Thur and Friy. By Tues the cravings had got to me and I was just upset that I wasn't losing weight.

I really really really want/need to!! OMG I seriously do.

I think I'm slowly coming to realise just how big I am

Oh another compounding factor is Monday I received some clothed I'd bought offline and they made me look even more humungous.

I really am big.

I had no idea.

So Tuesday I had four saladas with peanut butter and butter.

I knew I was emotionally eating but when you don't think eating well is getting  you anywhere, where does the resolve come from?

Anyway Wed morning I weighed in at 94.3kgs.

I'm feeling better and able to keep my resolve.

I still feel at a complete loss about how to get this weight off if eating healthy isn't doing it (probably my yo-yo'ing in the past has caused some metabolic damage).

Anyway, I'm on plan.

I feel huge, my clothes are tight and I'm getting bouts of nausea.

No, I'm not pregnant (I wish I were).

I don't know what's causing the nausea.

Maybe I have worms?

Anyway that's the update. I'm upset my online purchases turned to sh** (including the shoes because the eBay seller says it's my fault she didn't get her sizes right) and I'm upset I'm still fat.

Weigh in

Weighed in this morning at 95.7kgs. It's always higher the first week cleaning the glycogen out so the true weigh ins will start from next week.

Day 1

So it's started. I've had a good breakfast of curried eggs with sour cream. It's only 8.52am and I'm already experiencing carb cravings.

I don't mind experiencing cravings, because I figure I have to pay a price for eating badly, and this is one of them (others would be being fat and diminishing the health of my body).

I weighed in at 97.7kgs this morning. At least I'm not over 100kgs.

I noticed my weigh-in in January was just over 90kgs so I'm going to focus on getting back to that as my mini-goal.

It's going to be tough, I have lunch with the girls on Saturday and a big function on Tuesday and those are often reason enough for me to put off starting healthy eating. But that really is ridiculous. I can either work around it for that day, or sacrifice one meal. Either way getting started now is better than putting it off.

Oh I didn't tell you I went shopping on Monday with a personal stylist! I have never had a personal stylist before, but I totally need one. Shopping has never been a favourite pass-time for me. I was a little put off by the fact that the stylist said I should have given prior notice about my size before we embarked on our shopping trip.

... I know I'm heavy but I must be compact because I don't need to shop in plus-size stores...

The stylist was plus-size herself (and looked absolutely amazing!) so I guess I can cut her some slack on her comment.

It still rings in my mind though.

Making a Start

So I'm trying to force myself a make a start.

I've made myself two breakfasts (curried egg with sour cream), two lunches (tuna patties with caesar dressing) and three or four dinners (two shepherd's pies).

So tomorrow I have to force myself to start. I just have to. Magical motivation hasn't happened by itself.

Magic 8 Ball

So I asked the magic 8 ball yesterday about quite a few key areas in my life.

I was told my current partner is 'most likely' my soulmate, I am likely to get the new job I applied for an I will 'certainly' lose a decent amount of weight in the next 12 months.

Wooot!

Now to set about achieving it.